Peacefully Uncomfortable
You ever daydream about a potential scenario and before you know it you have literally thought out an alternate reality in your mind in minutes? I’m not proud to admit it, but that happens to me a lot. But this time was different. This time opened my eyes to something I didn’t even realize I was doing. Who would have thought the Lord would use DAYDREAMING to put His finger on something in my life. Geez, can’t put anything past God!
Anyway, I was going through my calendar on my phone for the next month or so and noticed I had my follow-up cardiology appointment at the end of May. If you have been around here from the beginning, you have probably read bits and pieces about how my development of high blood pressure was a big root of my journey through fear, anxiety, and panic attacks. I have made some health changes over the last few years and at my last cardiology appointment he really put a lot of my anxiety at ease and cut my blood pressure dosage in half and told me he was very hopeful to get me off blood pressure medicine completely. So, when I was going through my calendar and saw that follow up appointment, I began to daydream. I began to imagine him telling me it was time to try going off meds completely. I imagined this overwhelming sense of joy as this is what I have been praying and believing for - for years! And then suddenly, in my daydream, I started to feel afraid. What if something happens? What if my blood pressure skyrockets again? What if I have to go back on meds? And then I began to think, “Maybe it’s not so bad being on meds. It provides a security for me knowing I have something in my system to keep my blood pressure low.” And my thoughts just began to go down this rabbit hole of almost hoping my cardiologist doesn’t tell me to go off meds. Like I would be satisfied with things just being the same, no improvement. No answered prayer. I was comfortable. I was putting my peace and security in something that felt tangible and logical.
At that moment I learned something very important about myself but let me be clear. It wasn’t the fears I had about, what if something happens? Or what if my blood pressure goes back up and I have to go back on meds. Those fears weren’t even the issue because those are things I can’t control, so the truth is those fears need to be surrendered to God anyway. What the Lord showed me in that moment was that I’ve gotten so comfortable with being on meds that healing and wholeness seemed scary. I’ve gotten so comfortable in my place of need that accepting God’s blessing, accepting an answered prayer, accepting something I have been working towards in my health - seemed uncomfortable. To the point where I was okay with it not even happening. The thing I had been praying for healing over had become my security blanket. Never thought I would say that. That seems just so backwards to me.
I think a lot of times when we go through something that God doesn’t pull us out of immediately, we tend to become comfortable in it. To the point that God’s provision begins to be the thing we feel uncomfortable with. Maybe it’s been something we have struggled with for years or the odds don’t look very good. Maybe it’s been one thing after another and it’s hard to even have the faith for a way out. And then before we know it, we just decide to be comfortable with the struggle. We learn to just live life with it, accept it, and stop believing for healing, provision, or a way out. I think we forget that God’s provision and healing should be what we are always believing for and the need should be what feels “uncomfortable.” And I’m not saying that means we aren’t at peace. We can be in a season of need or need healing and still be at peace and trust God in the process. But that doesn’t mean we have to get comfortable with our sickness or need. Especially when we remind ourselves of the character of God. When we remind ourselves about what the Bible says about our heavenly Father. That His plans for us are good. For a hope and a future. For us to be healthy and whole. That He wants to supply all our needs. To be full of peace and joy.
I think during that daydream I realized I’ve allowed peace and comfortability to blur together when I think they are very different. I think peace is when your spirit is calm, still, and at rest regardless of your circumstances. But I think comfortability is measurable. The degree to which something is comfortable, or your level of acceptance in those same circumstances. I want to be at peace during my season while also remaining uncomfortable in it - believing that God can touch my body, supply all my needs, heal my children, restore my marriage – whatever the case may be. So that when God does what He promises in His word my response is, “THAT’S MY GOD,” not me second guessing. Don’t get so comfortable in your place of need that you can’t accept the blessings of God. I believe it is possible to be peacefully uncomfortable in our seasons of need. Our seasons where we need God to move in our lives and bodies. I encourage you, whatever you are believing God for, remind yourself of His character and what He desires for His children. Remind yourself that while you are at peace in the waiting, not to get comfortable, because the goodness of God is running after you, and He desires to bless you and make you whole.
Becoming peacefully uncomfortable with you,
